On the leaders who truly inspire me

Lately I have been thinking about the leaders I find genuinely inspirational. Not the shiny ones. Not the overly polished ones. The ones who feel deeply human.

What sets them apart?

• They do not pretend to have all the answers.

• They feel no need to paint a perfect picture.

• They do not brush off mistakes.

Instead,

• They make decisions in an uncertain world.

• They own their mistakes and adjust course.

• They receive feedback with grace.

And in doing so, they model a culture where others feel safe to do the same.

So what makes this possible?

They seem to have made peace with being imperfect and fallible. And at the same time they see themselves as worthy.

• Worthy of belonging.

• Worthy of the position they hold.

• Worthy of being listened to.

In other words, they have cultivated self compassion.

Over the last decade of coaching professionals, I have noticed that this is not something most people come into the workplace with. Myself included.

Most people are far harsher on themselves than they would ever be on a friend.

• They set impossibly high bars.

• They fear mistakes.

• They speak to themselves with a tone they would consider unacceptable towards anyone else.

When you carry that inner voice into your first leadership role, you are going to run into challenges.

If you have not made peace with the possibility of making mistakes, it will be incredibly difficult to operate in a role that requires constant decision making under uncertainty.

If you have not accepted yourself as fallible yet worthy, then owning a mistake or receiving critical feedback will feel brutal.

And even though you do not mean to, you will model this to your team.

So this is my invitation to you.

Start cultivating self compassion.

Notice how you speak to yourself. Thank the critical voice that got you this far, and then gently hand the mic to a wiser and milder part of you. Speak to yourself as you would speak to your best friend.

Is it easy? No. Is it instant? Also no.

It has taken me years. And lots of coaching. To get to a place where the wiser and milder voice has most speaking privileges.

But OMG is it worth it.
For yourself. And for the people you lead.

And if you feel this is something you want to grow in — and you would like someone by your side who knows this journey from the inside — I would love to walk with you.

Leading Through Resistance: Helping Your Team Navigate Change

If you lead people, you already know this: every meaningful change comes with a side of resistance.

This is not a sign of failure or lack of skill. It is a completely natural and predictable part of the process: Resistance to change, conscious or not, is a natural defense against the discomfort of rewiring our brains.

Yet it can be draining. It can slow momentum. And yes, it can make even the strongest leaders wonder why their team won’t simply get with the programme.

And in the middle of changes as big as AI, resistance is proportionate: lots and lots of it. It may manifest in:

• Endless discussions

• People saying yes but doing no

• Silent quitting

• Unrest in the team

I’m writing this post to enable you to fully step into your role as leader and guide your team through this change. Specifically, I’ll help you elegantly sidestep two pitfalls I’ve seen many leaders fall into when dealing with resistance:

1. Ignoring the resistance, carrying on and keeping your fingers crossed that people will fall into step with time.

2. Pushing through the resistance, hoping that your courage of conviction will help change the hearts and minds of those you want to get on board.

Both approaches are more likely to exacerbate the resistance rather than dissolve it. Reason: in both scenario’s you are not giving the reservations of your team the time of day. As a leader, you are failing to embody a fundamental leadership principle: first seek to understand, then to be understood.(Stephen Covey - 7 habits if highly effective people).

Not until you’ve demonstrated to your people that you’ve heard their objections, that you understand where they’re coming from and you recognise (some of) their concerns, will they be able to let go of their resisting behaviors and think creatively how to deal with the challenges ahead. Curious how this play out in practice? Read on…

A Practical Example

Let’s say your company is replacing the initial contact of the call center with AI. The team’s reaction as you introduce this is:

“We don’t like it! We’ll never be able to guarantee quality! We’ll lose the integrity of our brand!”

Now, if you’re anything like most people, your mind might already be getting ready to respond — formulating articulate counterarguments.

For effective leaders though, this is the moment to hold your horses. Going down that road will lead to endless discussions and no change of minds.

Instead, they use this four-step approach:

1. Ask Them to Elaborate

“It sounds like you’re really worried about quality. How so?”
“It seems like the integrity of the brand is important to you, and you see a big risk here. Can you elaborate?”

2. Summarise and Validate

“So you’re worried that the AI won’t be as good as a human in answering these questions. I get that — it’s a valid concern.”

“You’re saying we’re in a really good place right now in terms of brand perception, and your own experience with AI chatbots has been negative with other brands. I can totally understand your worry here.”

3. If Applicable, Share Something of Yourself

What you share has to resonate with the experience of your team member. No counterarguments here!

“To me, it’s also really important to protect the integrity of the brand and the quality of our service. Those are two things that have made me proud to work for this company.”

4. When All Objections Are Heard, Introduce a Different Perspective

Wording is absolutely critical here. The word BUT is forbidden.
Instead, use AT THE SAME TIME.

“I get it, I really do. It is paramount we protect the integrity of our brand and the quality of our service. At the same time, AI is happening. It cannot be stopped. If we don’t embrace its advantages, before long we won’t be able to compete anymore.”

Now let a silence ensue — to give the group time to consider this perspective. Because they have been heard and understood, you’ve created the mental space for them to actually consider it.

This is usually the pivotal point of the discussion.

You’ll know a group is ready to effectively discuss a new idea — even if they don’t like it — when how questions start popping up:

“But how will we be able to control quality?”
“How will we protect the integrity of our brand?”

That’s when you can start to discuss and brainstorm how this can be done.

In closing

I’m curious how this approach will serve you in your next change conversation. Because when resistance is met with grounded curiosity and genuine understanding, it no longer drains energy — it builds trust, ownership and forward movement.

This is the kind of deep conversational leadership I train leaders in every day. If you want to grow in this area, you’re very welcome to explore my leadership programmes.

Leading and Reading: The Books That Shaped My Thinking

I’m convinced it’s no coincidence that leading and reading sound so similar.

To really hone your craft as a leader, and to deepen your understanding of yourself, others, and the world, reading allows you to stand on the shoulders of giants.

I also believe there’s massive value in reading the actual book rather than watching the TED Talk or YouTube summary. When I read, I want it to change my mind. To improve it for the better. And that only happens through true exposure: going beyond the theory and letting the stories, anecdotes, and examples come alive.

Below you’ll find the books that have changed my mind the most over the past years. Each one has profoundly influenced how I think, work, and live.

So, if you’re looking for inspiration, a new perspective, or a fresh spark in your leadership journey — take your pick, and happy reading.

Atomic Habits – James Clear

My daily yoga routine and weekly financial check-up wouldn’t exist without this book.

Focus aan/uit – Marc Tigchelaar & Stolen Focus – Johann Hari

No more switching between tasks, no more phones in the bedroom, no email before noon. So much more focus on what truly matters thanks to these books.

Give and Take – Adam Grant

Givers can come out on top, but only if they adjust their approach when dealing with takers.

Big Magic – Elizabeth Gilbert

Helped me understand how creativity really works. Also, a hugely entertaining read.

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team – Patrick Lencioni

The first book you should read when you start managing a team. Or when you’re in a team. Or actually, when you’re human. You get my drift, just read it.

Start with Why – Simon Sinek

I think I’m in love with Simon Sinek’s brain. This book completely changed how I communicate in sessions: start with why, then people care about how and what.

Nonviolent Communication – Marshall Rosenberg

May completely alter how you view feedback. It gives you step-by-step tools to make feedback more intentional. Love it.

Never Split the Difference – Chris Voss

Hands down the best book I’ve read on interpersonal communication. I’ve recommended it so many times, you’d think I had shares in it. Written by a former FBI hostage negotiator.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen Covey

The bible of personal leadership. If you haven’t read it, start here.

The Psychology of Money – Morgan Housel

Want to get more intentional about your money? This book explains how your psychology drives your financial choices. So many a-ha moments.

Diary of a CEO – Stephen Bartlett

Full of practical leadership insights, written in an engaging, easy-to-read way. Also, his podcast is my all-time favorite.

Unreasonable Hospitality – Will Guidara

Astounded me with how much a book by a world-renowned restaurateur could inspire my leadership trainings. A brilliant read.

Atlas of the Heart – Brené Brown

Brené Brown breaks down 80+ emotions. Words matter. Naming emotions accurately leads to better regulation and attunement to others. A must-read.

In closing…

Reading doesn’t just make you smarter — it expands your empathy, strengthens your language, and reminds you that growth rarely happens in isolation.

So if you’re a leader, a learner, or simply someone who loves to stretch their thinking: pick a book, slow down, and let someone else’s wisdom shape yours for a while.

Which of these books shaped your thinking the most? I’d love to hear.

If you’d like to take the next step and apply some of these lessons in practice, have a look at my leadership programmes — where reading meets doing.

The leadership trap of needing approval

Everybody wants to feel like they’re doing a good job. That they’re a good leader. A good person. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Validation is human fuel—we all need some of it.

But here’s the catch: that validation can come from two places.

• Internal: your own compass, your values, your goals, your sense of right and wrong.

• External: the feedback, praise, recognition—or the results you can point to as proof.

As with many leadership principles, the magic is in a healthy mix. A strong internal compass to guide your decision-making, combined with awareness of how your actions land in the outside world.

When the balance tips

In over a decade of coaching leaders, I’ve met many who lean too heavily on external validation. They only feel good about their decisions if others immediately approve—or if there are quick results to show for it.

The problem? Leadership often requires you to move forward in the absence of validation. Sometimes even in the face of disapproval.

Think of situations like:

• Letting someone go—hardly the moment for fan mail.

• Giving tough feedback—recognition usually comes much later, if at all.

• Delivering bad news—no one’s clapping their hands with joy.

• Making unpopular decisions—the frustration is often aimed directly at you.

• Driving long-term results—you won’t have instant numbers to prove you were right.

If you rely too much on external validation—whether from people or from results—these moments paralyze you. I’ve seen it result in procrastination, vague communication, lack of ownership, and unfinished business. In other words: ineffective leadership.

The anchor you need

In tough situations, you need something solid to stand on: a clear internal compass. One that keeps you steady when external approval or measurable results are absent.

It’s this compass that allows you to:

• Take action when it’s unpopular but necessary.

• Communicate clearly, even when your message won’t land softly.

• Follow through on hard decisions without constant reassurance.

So how do you develop an internal compass?

That’s the million-dollar question. It’s not about shutting out feedback or going solo. It’s about cultivating clarity on your values, principles, and purpose, so that you don’t collapse without applause or immediate proof.

Some starting points:

1. Reflect regularly. Journal or debrief after key moments. What guided your decision? Did it align with your values?

2. Define your non-negotiables. What principles will you not compromise on, no matter the reaction or results?

3. Practice discomfort. Deliberately make small choices without seeking approval, and notice how you hold up.

4. Seek trusted mirrors. A coach, mentor, or peer group that gives honest—not sugar-coated—feedback.

Leaders who build this internal compass don’t need constant applause or quick wins. They can withstand the silence, even the criticism, that tough leadership moments bring. And that’s when they become truly effective.

This is exactly the work I do with leaders: helping them strengthen their internal compass so they can lead with clarity and confidence—even when external validation is absent. If you’re curious what that could look like for you or your team, I’d be happy to explore it together.

Time Management: Using language of abundance

‘I liked the training, but it felt a bit rushed...’

‘I liked the training, but I found it a pity that we had to skip some parts due to time.’

You are probably familiar with this feedback. I know I am: I received both frequently when I started out. The skill you have to develop in this case is invisibly being in control of time. When you master this skill, you are able to orchestrate exactly how long each programme segment will take without participants noticing you're pulling the strings.

With this month’s blogposts, I’ll walk you through how you do it. Next up: Using language of abundance!

Using language of abundance

When it comes to time, you want your participants to experience a sense of abundance, rather than scarcity. The wordings you use when communicating timings will determine what they'll experience. Consider these sentences:

• You have 8 minutes for this exercise.

• You're halfway through the time!

• 2 minutes left!

• Time's up, please come back now.

How do these resonate with you? Do they make you feel at ease? Or rushed? Probably the second. Consider these same sentences, slightly altered:

• Allow yourself 8 minutes for this exercise.

• You’re at the halfway point, take your time to explore further.

• Give yourself  another 2 minutes to conclude the exercise.

• Let's explore the harvest of this exercise, I invite you to come back to the circle.

Let these sentences sink in... How do these resonate?
Chances are, these sentences create a natural flow of progression, rather than a feeling of being dominated by time. When you look at these sentences from a technical perspective, take note of the following:

• Where possible, talk about time while not using time-related words (use you’re at the halfway point rather than you have 4 minutes left)

• When you have to use time-related words (like minutes), pair them with a verb that feels abundant rather than scarce (take, allow yourself, use, give yourself)

• Place emphasis on the yield of the exercise, rather than the time element (explore further, explore the harvest)

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book on how to deliver awesome trainings. It comes from the chapter Essential Trainer Skills - Time Management. This theory is also covered in my Train-the-Trainer programme: Inspire to Develop.

Time management: Framing invitations for interaction

‘I liked the training, but it felt a bit rushed...’

‘I liked the training, but I found it a pity that we had to skip some parts due to time.’

You are probably familiar with this feedback. I know I am: I received both frequently when I started out. The skill you have to develop in this case is invisibly being in control of time. When you master this skill, you are able to orchestrate exactly how long each programme segment will take without participants noticing you're pulling the strings.

With this month’s blogposts, I’ll walk you through how you do it. This time: Framing your invitations for interaction!

Framing your invitations for interaction

Any trainer worth their salt will want to invite participants to contribute to the training. At the same time, lengthy participant contributions are your biggest nemesis when it comes to time management. It is an art form to get your participants to open up and share, so you want to avoid having to interrupt or cut them short while sharing. So what do you do?

Let's start with what NOT to do. Do not give out any invitation for interaction without including your expectation for their contribution. That means the following sentences are off-limits:

• Please introduce yourself...

• How was this exercise?

• What is your experience with saying no?

• What did you think about today's session?

These sentences provide the participants with a sense of direction, yet force them to assume the length of their answer and what to include. The risk you run as a trainer is irrelevant information and too lengthy answers.

Instead, frame your invitations in such a way participants only have to ‘fill in the blanks’!

• Please introduce yourself by stating your name, role, and biggest pitfall in communication

• What is your single biggest take-away from this exercise?

• In 2 or 3 sentences, in which situation do you have the most need to be able to say no?
  In a couple of soundbites, I'd love to hear your thoughts about today's session.

When you start using these types of invitations you'll notice two things:

1. Most participant contributions will match up to what you are looking for.

2. It is easier to interrupt those that are too long or irrelevant because you can refer back to what you said in the invitation.

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book on how to deliver awesome trainings. It comes from the chapter Essential Trainer Skills - Time Management. This theory is also covered in my Train-the-Trainer programme: Inspire to Develop.

Time Management: Recovering time

‘I liked the training, but it felt a bit rushed...’

‘I liked the training, but I found it a pity that we had to skip some parts due to time.’

You are probably familiar with this feedback. I know I am: I received both frequently when I started out. The skill you have to develop in this case is invisibly being in control of time. When you master this skill, you are able to orchestrate exactly how long each programme segment will take without participants noticing you're pulling the strings.

With this month’s blogposts, I’ll walk you through how you do it. Next up: Recovering time!

Recovering time

So when you’ve been thrown a curveball and your timing is out of whack, you can either skip things altogether or recover time by cutting down the time it takes to run your programme. Usually, I try for option number 2 first, if at all possible. In my opinion, there is a right and a wrong way of recovering time. The right way keeps the integrity of the programme and respects participants’ energy. The wrong way creates a sense of rush, overburdens your participants, and hurts your evaluations. Let’s start with what not to do.

Do not — ever — recover time by skipping breaks. This used to be my first go-to solution whenever I was falling behind. I had yet to learn that effective breaks supercharge the value of the actual training time. By skipping breaks, I wore participants AND myself out, created a sense of rush, and struggled to keep the group engaged. Breaks exist for a reason — honor them. Breaks trump training segments, period.

Do not sacrifice your closing in order to buy training time. Remember the peak-end rule (we don’t judge an experience by every moment of it — we mostly remember the highlight, the peak, and how it ended). If you rush through the closing, evaluations will suffer because participants’ experience of the whole training will be tainted by the rush at the end.

Now that you’ve made your breaks and closing sacrosanct, let’s jump into what you can do to regain some lost time.

Make groups smaller. Look for parts of the training where people work in groups of 3 or more and where each person gets a turn. Logically, the fewer people per group, the less time you need. When pressed for time, I usually have them work in duos if the exercise allows. A reflection round of 20 minutes is brought down to 10 minutes when you slim the group from 4 to 2 people. And voila: you’ve earned yourself 10 full minutes.

Slimmed-down reflection. When I design a programme segment, I usually start with an exercise, followed by time for participants to reflect (individually or in groups), and then a plenary debrief guided by me. The reflection helps participants form their own insights, and the plenary ensures the key takeaways are highlighted. I aim to stick to this flow, but it also gives me flexibility to adjust when time is tight. Usually, the participants’ reflection takes longer than the plenary debrief. So, if I need to save a little time, I’ll skip the plenary debrief. If I need to save more, I’ll skip the individual reflection and only run the plenary.

Effective use of cases. Cases are a staple in training — whether you’re running role-plays or reflection exercises — but asking participants for their own cases can eat up more time than you think. The good news? It’s also one of the easiest places to win that time back.

One simple fix is to bring a few canned cases — examples you’ve prepared ahead of time. They’re not quite as relevant as real, participant-driven cases, but they can be a lifesaver when time is tight. I always have a couple ready, even if I don’t plan on using them. Most of the time, I aim for bespoke cases, but when I’m running behind, a prepared case keeps things moving without anyone feeling rushed.

Another approach is to have everyone work on the same case. This way, you only need to gather details once instead of multiple times. The trick here is to choose a case broad enough that everyone can relate to it. And if participants start worrying it’ll feel repetitive, reassure them: it never actually plays out the same way twice. Different personalities, experiences, and styles keep every round engaging. I’ve also noticed that the quality of practice improves this way because people pick up new ideas by watching each other.

A third option is to break the case into pieces and have participants work on different parts. In role-plays, for example, you can have people take turns stepping in (bonus: it keeps everyone sharp and paying attention). This works especially well with step-by-step models, like feedback frameworks, where each person can own one part of the process. For reflection exercises, you can do the same by assigning different questions to different participants instead of having everyone reflect on everything at once.

Eat a little into lunch. This is the only time I sometimes bend my own “don’t mess with breaks” rule. I always design sessions with a one-hour lunch break, and ideally, we stick to it. But when time is tight, I occasionally shorten it to 45 minutes — and only if the participants are okay with it and the lunch is on-site. If they need to travel for lunch, I never do this, because I want them to have at least 45 minutes of true downtime.

Cut entire segments. If none of the above are suitable for slimming down your programme segment, and you cannot think of another way to make it shorter, consider skipping the entire segment altogether. Don’t introduce a topic if you’re sure in advance you cannot do it justice due to time. Instead, beef up the programme segments that you are including, so that you truly make an impact there.

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book on how to deliver awesome trainings. It comes from the chapter Essential Trainer Skills - Time Management. This theory is also covered in my Train-the-Trainer programme: Inspire to Develop.

Time Management: Dealing with curveballs

‘I liked the training, but it felt a bit rushed...’

‘I liked the training, but I found it a pity that we had to skip some parts due to time.’

You are probably familiar with this feedback. I know I am: I received both frequently when I started out. The skill you have to develop in this case is invisibly being in control of time. When you master this skill, you are able to orchestrate exactly how long each programme segment will take without participants noticing you're pulling the strings.

With this month’s blogposts, I’ll walk you through how you do it. Next up: Dealing with curveballs!

Dealing with curveballs

When it comes to managing your time, curveballs are part of the game. Things will pop up that you can’t control — and they’ll happily throw your perfect timeline out the window.

A couple of examples from personal experience:

• A train strike that made everybody 2 hours late

• A double booking for a location that had to be fixed first before we could start, 1 hour late

• Participants in turmoil because the company announced a round of lay-offs just before the training

• Unwilling participants because they had had a very bad experience with their last session

• Participants having difficulty understanding the material

All of these instances require your immediate time and attention and force you to get creative with timings right from the get-go. The following tips will help you to do that gracefully:

1. Remember that you are not obligated to run the programme exactly as it's been designed. The design is just a guideline. It is your job to deliver on the goal of a session and, as they say,  there are many roads that lead to Rome…
   

2. Don't communicate timings in your agenda. When I share the agenda, I share the sequence of the topics that we'll cover, the time for lunch, and the end-time. This way the participants know what to expect but will not be aware if segments take longer or shorter than expected.
   

3. Don't mention it when you skip things. Remember, you are the only one in the room who knows what was supposed to happen. Mentioning you're skipping things will make them feel they're missing out, while they wouldn't even have noticed it had you left it unmentioned.

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book on how to deliver awesome trainings. It comes from the chapter Essential Trainer Skills - Time Management. This theory is also covered in my Train-the-Trainer programme: Inspire to Develop.