Time Management: Using language of abundance

‘I liked the training, but it felt a bit rushed...’

‘I liked the training, but I found it a pity that we had to skip some parts due to time.’

You are probably familiar with this feedback. I know I am: I received both frequently when I started out. The skill you have to develop in this case is invisibly being in control of time. When you master this skill, you are able to orchestrate exactly how long each programme segment will take without participants noticing you're pulling the strings.

With this month’s blogposts, I’ll walk you through how you do it. Next up: Using language of abundance!

Using language of abundance

When it comes to time, you want your participants to experience a sense of abundance, rather than scarcity. The wordings you use when communicating timings will determine what they'll experience. Consider these sentences:

• You have 8 minutes for this exercise.

• You're halfway through the time!

• 2 minutes left!

• Time's up, please come back now.

How do these resonate with you? Do they make you feel at ease? Or rushed? Probably the second. Consider these same sentences, slightly altered:

• Allow yourself 8 minutes for this exercise.

• You’re at the halfway point, take your time to explore further.

• Give yourself  another 2 minutes to conclude the exercise.

• Let's explore the harvest of this exercise, I invite you to come back to the circle.

Let these sentences sink in... How do these resonate?
Chances are, these sentences create a natural flow of progression, rather than a feeling of being dominated by time. When you look at these sentences from a technical perspective, take note of the following:

• Where possible, talk about time while not using time-related words (use you’re at the halfway point rather than you have 4 minutes left)

• When you have to use time-related words (like minutes), pair them with a verb that feels abundant rather than scarce (take, allow yourself, use, give yourself)

• Place emphasis on the yield of the exercise, rather than the time element (explore further, explore the harvest)

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book on how to deliver awesome trainings. It comes from the chapter Essential Trainer Skills - Time Management. This theory is also covered in my Train-the-Trainer programme: Inspire to Develop.

Time management: Framing invitations for interaction

‘I liked the training, but it felt a bit rushed...’

‘I liked the training, but I found it a pity that we had to skip some parts due to time.’

You are probably familiar with this feedback. I know I am: I received both frequently when I started out. The skill you have to develop in this case is invisibly being in control of time. When you master this skill, you are able to orchestrate exactly how long each programme segment will take without participants noticing you're pulling the strings.

With this month’s blogposts, I’ll walk you through how you do it. This time: Framing your invitations for interaction!

Framing your invitations for interaction

Any trainer worth their salt will want to invite participants to contribute to the training. At the same time, lengthy participant contributions are your biggest nemesis when it comes to time management. It is an art form to get your participants to open up and share, so you want to avoid having to interrupt or cut them short while sharing. So what do you do?

Let's start with what NOT to do. Do not give out any invitation for interaction without including your expectation for their contribution. That means the following sentences are off-limits:

• Please introduce yourself...

• How was this exercise?

• What is your experience with saying no?

• What did you think about today's session?

These sentences provide the participants with a sense of direction, yet force them to assume the length of their answer and what to include. The risk you run as a trainer is irrelevant information and too lengthy answers.

Instead, frame your invitations in such a way participants only have to ‘fill in the blanks’!

• Please introduce yourself by stating your name, role, and biggest pitfall in communication

• What is your single biggest take-away from this exercise?

• In 2 or 3 sentences, in which situation do you have the most need to be able to say no?
  In a couple of soundbites, I'd love to hear your thoughts about today's session.

When you start using these types of invitations you'll notice two things:

1. Most participant contributions will match up to what you are looking for.

2. It is easier to interrupt those that are too long or irrelevant because you can refer back to what you said in the invitation.

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book on how to deliver awesome trainings. It comes from the chapter Essential Trainer Skills - Time Management. This theory is also covered in my Train-the-Trainer programme: Inspire to Develop.

Time management: Training design

‘I liked the training, but it felt a bit rushed...’

‘I liked the training, but I found it a pity that we had to skip some parts due to time.’

You are probably familiar with this feedback. I know I am: I received both frequently when I started out. The skill you have to develop in this case is invisibly being in control of time. When you master this skill, you are able to orchestrate exactly how long each programme segment will take without participants noticing you're pulling the strings.

Over the next couple of blogposts, I’ll walk you through how you do it. First up: Training Design!

Training design

If the session has been designed poorly, you can pull strings all you want, and you will still end up with too little time or too much programme. So your first order of business is to critically scan the design of the session to check whether the timings are realistic.

This will prove very challenging if you're just starting out, because you lack the experience to know how long certain things take. If this is you, have the design checked by a more experienced trainer. A practiced eye can spot timing bottlenecks in minutes.

If you do this sanity check yourself, these are a couple of things to be on the lookout for:

• Does the design have some elements that can easily be cut during the day, without compromising the integrity of each segment?

• Have movements been taken into account? (for example, moving to and from break-out rooms, to and from smaller groups, to and from breaks and/or lunch)

• Is there enough time for reflection and interaction? The bigger the group, the longer you need.

• Usually reflection takes longer than the assignment itself — is this also the case in the design?

• Are the timeslots designed generously, leaving room for things to take longer than expected?

Obviously, you are looking for YES-es to all of these questions. 

If you notice the design is too cramped, do yourself a favor and cut segments. Yes, it will be hard, because you will feel everything is interesting and/or necessary. However, I would always urge you to choose quality and depth over quantity and breadth.

You might also fear that if you cut too much, your programme will be over while you still have time left. What if you don't know how to fill the time?! This is a fear I've had many times. The number of times it actually happened like this is... ZERO.

So cut away and trust that it is easier to lengthen a programme than to shorten it.

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book on how to deliver awesome trainings. It comes from the chapter Essential Trainer Skills - Time Management. This theory is also covered in my Train-the-Trainer programme: Inspire to Develop.

Personal stories as a training tool

Have you ever wondered: how much of myself do I share with my participants? Let me share with you some thoughts on sharing personal information that help you decide what, how en when to share.

I am not a very private person. I generally am very open about myself and not many topics are off-limits for me to share. You might be the same, or you might be someone who is more reserved. Both are fine. One is not better than the other. Use these guidelines to determine for yourself what, how and when to share.

• Please avoid ‘The-Trainer-Show’. One of the cringiest things I have experienced in training is that the trainer uses the training as a platform to share all of themselves - thoughts, experiences, personal history - and use the participants as their audience.. They give off the impression that they find themselves the most interesting person on the planet.  The focus of the training becomes the trainer rather than the topic. Don’t do this. As a trainer you are the means, not the end.

• Become intentional about what you share. When I choose to divulge something about myself it is always in service of the group. If it’s not in service of the group I will not share it. These are examples of things I share in service of the group:

• I might share similarities in background to help them connect to me better. To a group of trainees I might mention that I started out as a trainee as well. To a group of developers I might share that I worked at Google, so am familiar with a techy environment.

• I might share personal stories that are relevant to the training to peak their interest in the topic. In a training about stress I might share about my burn-out, in a training on communication I might share about a job interview that went south because of a clash in communication styles. 

• I might share something vulnerable if the training requires the group to open up and be vulnerable themselves. The level of vulnerability you show will be the bar for the training. It is a safe bet that no story that follows yours will be more vulnerable than yours, but that many stories will be more vulnerable than they would have been had you not set the bar. In a training about personal leadership I might share something about a difficult decision I have made in my life, like having a divorce.

• I might share something personal to normalize or validate an experience. When someone is really struggling to say ‘no’ in a training on boundary setting, I might share that that has been a struggle for me as well. That I was so bad at saying no that I accepted the role of master of ceremonies at a high profile wedding when I was at home with a burn-out! This usually helps to connect with the person. When I then share that I currently am pretty good at saying no, and that it’s a learned skill, that usually helps in their motivation to give the exercise another go.

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book on how to deliver awesome trainings. It comes from the chapter Introduction. This theory is also covered in my Train-the-Trainer programme: Inspire to Develop.

Virtual sessions: Slides

Restraint, restraint, RESTRAINT

Remember my general rule of thumb with regards to the use of slides? Use the minimum amount of slides necessary to get the job done. Anything beyond the minimum makes participants either lazy or distracted.  In a virtual session you have other means at your disposal to distribute information, like chat, which means the minimum amount of slides necessary to get the job done goes down.  

You can bring the number of slides down even further by investing in a digital paper tablet that allows you to share your screen, like a Remarkable. This creates a more interactive and spontaneous feel, as participants see you build models step by step, just like with a flip-over in a physical room.

To give you an idea: in a simple 3 hour session on feedback I will generally use 1 slide: the slide with the feedback model. Really - just one slide.. Everything else—like the agenda, exercise instructions or evaluation link—I communicate directly or via the chat to keep engagement high.

You might have your doubts because I’m making it somewhat harder for participants to get the right information. It’s not presented to them on a silver platter through slides. And this is exactly the point. In doing so, I make sure that they pay attention. 

In the end, attention is the highest currency in any session. By minimizing slides and making information just a bit harder to grasp, you’re inviting participants to stay alert, lean in, and actively process what you’re saying. And that’s exactly the kind of engagement you want.

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book on how to deliver awesome trainings. It comes from the chapter Virtual Sessions. This theory is also covered in my Train-the-Trainer programme: Inspire to Develop.

Leading with Intent: Mastering Assertiveness in Communication

The importance of choosing your words with intent

When you are in a position of leadership, an easy way to increase your ability to influence is to start choosing your words with intention. Phrasing something just right might be the difference between acceptance and full-blown resistance, or between a deepening or weakening of a relationship. 

As a leader, assertiveness is an essential skill. It’s the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, needs and boundaries clearly, confidently and respectfully while also being considerate of those of others. Simple as though it may sound, this is not an easy skill. Put too much emphasis on what you want and you become aggressive. Place too much weight on what others need and you become passive. 

One of the most powerful ways to strike this balance is through your choice of words—specifically, how you contrast ideas. Two small phrases, BUT and AT THE SAME TIME, allow you to express assertiveness in nuanced ways. They give you the power to balance authority with consideration, and in this article, we’ll explore how each one can shape your leadership influence. Ready? Let’s dive in! 

BUT versus AT THE SAME TIME

It’s important to be clear on what you are actually communicating when you are using these different phrases. Consider these two sentences

• I understand that you’d like an additional week to get this done, BUT unfortunately I’m not  in a position to extend the deadline.

• I understand that you’d like an additional week to get this done, AT THE SAME TIME I’m not in a position to extend the deadline.

Did you notice the subtle but important difference between these two phrases?

• Using BUT signals that your point of view takes precedence. You are communicating that in this instance, your view goes, and you want to move forward without extending the deadline.

• Using AT THE SAME TIME suggests both perspectives are equally important. You are inviting the other person to consider a new data point. You want to move forward by looking for solutions that take both viewpoints into account. 

You might ask yourself: which one is better? And I’ll give you my favorite answer: it depends. What does it depend on? I’ll dive into that next.

When to use BUT…

There will be moments in your leadership career when it’s necessary for you to make the final call. It might be because in that particular instance you are the expert, you have authority or you are the leader. This is a moment where BUT will serve you well. Examples:

• ‘I appreciate that you might want to include feature X in this sprint, BUT (as product owner) for now I’m deciding against it in favour of making the deadline.’

• ‘I understand that you’d like to fill out the evaluation tomorrow, but (from my years of experience as a trainer) I will ask you to do it now, since fill-out rates plummet once the session is over.’

In these situations you are effectively influencing through power. 

There are some downsides too:

• Use it too often, and you risk eroding trust and creating a hierarchical dynamic where your team feels undervalued or dismissed. This could lead to disengagement or resentment.

• Use it at the wrong moment (for example, during brainstorming), and you could stifle additional contributions from team members.. ‘Yes, that might look really nice, but have you considered the cost?’

• If you use BUT when challenging someone in a higher authority position, you risk coming across as petulant. ‘I understand you want me to do this, but I am swamped in work already!’

You’ve probably come to the conclusion that you want to use your BUT sparingly. In leadership, the thoughtful use of AT THE SAME TIME opens doors for collaboration and balance, often leading to more sustainable results.

When to use AT THE SAME TIME

I am a huge fan of AT THE SAME TIME. I think every leader should add it to their repertoire. Why? Because it allows you to navigate many complex situations by balancing multiple perspectives at once. Use it when…

• … you want to add an overlooked point of view to a discussion without dismissing what’s been said before.

‘I very much like the creativity in this idea. AT THE SAME TIME, I’m wondering about its technical feasibility. What are your thoughts?’

• … you are in a position of authority, yet you are open to discussion.

‘I’m leaning towards Marina’s proposal. AT THE SAME TIME, it’s crucial to me that everyone is on board with this. What’s needed to get everyone on the same page?’

• … you want to steer towards a certain outcome without imposing your authority. 

‘I very much value the discussion you are having, AT THE SAME TIME, I’m concerned about time. May I suggest we leave it here for now and pick this up in our next team meeting?’

• … you want to challenge someone with higher authority than you

‘I can see the benefit of adding this project to our list of priorities, AT THE SAME TIME, I do not see how we can deliver on our priorities with our current capacity’

• … you want to course-correct someone’s behavior who is prone to defensiveness

‘It looks like you and Alessia spend a lot of time together and you’re getting on very well, AT THE SAME TIME, to me it’s important that everyone feels included in the team. Would it be possible to make a conscious effort to include Darius?

In these situations, using AT THE SAME TIME allows you to influence others through consideration, while promoting dialogue, mutual respect, and a more inclusive approach to decision-making.

Final thought

In leadership, the words you choose have the power to shape not only decisions but also relationships. Mastering phrases like BUT and AT THE SAME TIME can elevate your ability to influence, collaborate, and create lasting, positive change.

Interaction: Using non-verbal cues

If you’ve ever complained about a group because they were not saying anything (as I have in the past), this bit is for you. Since mastering the skill I’m about to share, I no longer struggle with getting people to speak up. Here’s something I’ve come to know for sure: 

The group is always speaking. 

It might not be with words, but the communication is there- all the time - waiting for you to engage. Non-verbal communication is always present. 

Once you learn to pick up on and use the groups’ non-verbal cues, you will notice it’s many advantages:

• Your participants will feel valued and important.

• Your participants will feel seen by you and therefore feel the need to be present/participate.

• Your participants will feel invited to speak up.

• You’ll uncover tensions that could hinder the training—before they actually do.

Step 1: Noticing non-verbal cues

Your first order of business is to start noticing these cues. Dedicate some mental capacity to keeping an eye on your participants at all times. Here are some key signals to watch for:

Step 2: Responding to non-verbal cues

Once you start noticing these signals, it’s time to use them in your communication. You have two options:

Indirect approach

This is when you pick up on a cue and let it inform your actions/decisions as a trainer. For example:

• The group slouched in their chairs with an unfocused gaze in their eyes.

• You assume they’re tired and you decide to take a break. 

• Someone looks puzzled when you’re giving an instruction. 

• You assume that they don’t get it yet and ask the group: ‘Can someone repeat my instruction to see if I have explained it clearly?’.

• Someone is sitting slightly outside of the training circle. 

• You assume they feel left out and direct your next question to them to involve them.

Using this approach brings you an advantage, a potential problem and a missed opportunity.

• Advantage: Especially if you have some years of experience under your belt, your people-reading skills will probably be above average. Adjusting your style and decisions based on this will allow you fine-tune your approach that much better. 

• Potential problem: You are using assumptions. From time to time your assumptions will be wrong. Whatever action or decision you make as a consequence might not fit the situation. Let’s look at the first example. The group might be slouched and with an unfocused gaze not because they’re tired, but because you have been talking for far too long and they have completely lost interest. A break will not solve the fact that you need to learn to speak less and involve the group more.

• Missed opportunity: Using an indirect approach you are not making the group aware of the fact that you are paying attention to them. You will miss out on the opportunity to make them feel seen and all of the effects that come from that. Using only an indirect approach therefore, as most beginner trainers do, will not boost interaction and engagement. Adding a direct approach to your repertoire will help you solve this problem. 

Direct approach

This is when you pick up on a cue and then:

1. call it out

2. invite a response

3. let the information that comes up inform your actions/decisions. 

Obviously, there are many ways of calling out these cues. Especially if you’re starting out though, there is a formula that can provide you with an easy way to approach this:

‘It looks/feels/seems/sounds like… [insert your assumption]’ 

followed by a pause that invites the person or the group to reply 

The information that comes up based off of this will then inform your actions/decisions. In many cases you would need one or two follow-up questions to get to the right information.

Example 1

You’ve asked a question. No one answers, but someone looks like one participant might have a thought around this.

• You: ‘It looks like an answer is brewing in your head!’ 

• Participant: ‘Well yeah, I was thinking it might be …’

Example 2

Someone makes a sceptical-sounding noise in response to what you’ve just said.

• You: ‘It sounds like you might have your reservations around this?’

• Participant: ‘Well, I think there would be some definite risks in approaching it like this’

• You: ‘How so?’

• Participant: ‘Well, because …’

• You: ‘Well that’s definitely something to consider… Does everyone feel the same?’

Example 3

Group looks tired and absent-minded

• You: ‘It feels like we have a challenge in the energy-department, what’s up?’

• [silence and some uncomfortable glances]

• You: ‘It seems like there might be something going on that I’m unaware of?’

• Participant: ‘Well, we’ve been listening for a while now and since it’s quite hot, I think that’s impacting our energy levels’

• You: ‘Thank you for that, I appreciate it. It seems I might have fallen into that illustrious trainer-pitfall of talking too much, am I right?’

• [some relieved smiles and confirmations]

• You: ‘All right, what do you say to a break right now, and then we’ll move into an exercise after the break?’

Why I love the direct approach

My absolute favorite thing about this direct approach is that you uncover tensions that might hinder the training at an early stage. Example 2 (scepticism) and 3 (tired & absent) would, if unaddressed, probably turn into full blown resistance later on. By identifying this early and addressing it in the moment, you prevent tensions from escalating and resistance from building up.

Final thought

If you start paying attention to non-verbal cues, you’ll never have to wonder why a group isn’t talking again—because they are talking. You just have to learn how to listen.

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book on how to deliver awesome trainings. It comes from the chapter Interaction. This theory is also covered in my Train-the-Trainer programme: Inspire to Develop.

Virtual sessions: Breaks

A case of life or death by screen

Alright, let’s talk requirement #2 for engaging online sessions: Effective breaks. If I were to spend some time digging into research I would probably find some scientific evidence that supports what you and I have already experienced for ourselves: online sessions are more taxing than face to face sessions. Therefore, online engagement is determined just as much by how you take your breaks as by how you conduct the session. 

You want to take your breaks superserious, both for yourself and for participants. This means:

• Take a break of at least 10 minutes every hour. No exceptions! 

• Lunch needs to be at least 45 minutes, but preferably an hour. 

• It is not enough to just announce a break and send participants off. You want to introduce your breaks with a certain gravitas.  An example of what you might say:

• ‘Allright, it’s time for a crucial part in our programme: a break! Since we’re probably all experiencing that doing a virtual session is quite intense for both our eyes and our brains I invite you to get intentional about your break. Recharge effectively. My tip to you: step away from any and all screens. If you spend your break behind a screen I can promise you you’ll have a fried brain at the end of our session. What to do instead? Take a walk, go outside, have a coffee, put on some music and have yourself a little dance, anything that works for you. If it gets you away from a screen and into some movement: that’s what we’re looking for. See you in 10!” 

• During the breaks, as a trainer, always turn off your camera and mute. This demonstrates that you yourself are practicing what you preach, having a proper break.

• As participants are returning from their first break you might enquire about what they did during their break. Celebrate great break ideas. It serves two purposes: it gets participants in talking-mode again and building a culture of proper break-taking.