Lately I have been thinking about the leaders I find genuinely inspirational. Not the shiny ones. Not the overly polished ones. The ones who feel deeply human.
What sets them apart?
They do not pretend to have all the answers.
They feel no need to paint a perfect picture.
They do not brush off mistakes.
Instead,
They make decisions in an uncertain world.
They own their mistakes and adjust course.
They receive feedback with grace.
And in doing so, they model a culture where others feel safe to do the same.
So what makes this possible?
They seem to have made peace with being imperfect and fallible. And at the same time they see themselves as worthy.
Worthy of belonging.
Worthy of the position they hold.
Worthy of being listened to.
In other words, they have cultivated self compassion.
Over the last decade of coaching professionals, I have noticed that this is not something most people come into the workplace with. Myself included.
Most people are far harsher on themselves than they would ever be on a friend.
They set impossibly high bars.
They fear mistakes.
They speak to themselves with a tone they would consider unacceptable towards anyone else.
When you carry that inner voice into your first leadership role, you are going to run into challenges.
If you have not made peace with the possibility of making mistakes, it will be incredibly difficult to operate in a role that requires constant decision making under uncertainty.
If you have not accepted yourself as fallible yet worthy, then owning a mistake or receiving critical feedback will feel brutal.
And even though you do not mean to, you will model this to your team.
So this is my invitation to you.
Start cultivating self compassion.
Notice how you speak to yourself. Thank the critical voice that got you this far, and then gently hand the mic to a wiser and milder part of you. Speak to yourself as you would speak to your best friend.
Is it easy? No. Is it instant? Also no.
It has taken me years. And lots of coaching. To get to a place where the wiser and milder voice has most speaking privileges.
But OMG is it worth it.
For yourself. And for the people you lead.
And if you feel this is something you want to grow in — and you would like someone by your side who knows this journey from the inside — I would love to walk with you.