Everybody wants to feel like they’re doing a good job. That they’re a good leader. A good person. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Validation is human fuel—we all need some of it.
But here’s the catch: that validation can come from two places.
Internal: your own compass, your values, your goals, your sense of right and wrong.
External: the feedback, praise, recognition—or the results you can point to as proof.
As with many leadership principles, the magic is in a healthy mix. A strong internal compass to guide your decision-making, combined with awareness of how your actions land in the outside world.
When the balance tips
In over a decade of coaching leaders, I’ve met many who lean too heavily on external validation. They only feel good about their decisions if others immediately approve—or if there are quick results to show for it.
The problem? Leadership often requires you to move forward in the absence of validation. Sometimes even in the face of disapproval.
Think of situations like:
Letting someone go—hardly the moment for fan mail.
Giving tough feedback—recognition usually comes much later, if at all.
Delivering bad news—no one’s clapping their hands with joy.
Making unpopular decisions—the frustration is often aimed directly at you.
Driving long-term results—you won’t have instant numbers to prove you were right.
If you rely too much on external validation—whether from people or from results—these moments paralyze you. I’ve seen it result in procrastination, vague communication, lack of ownership, and unfinished business. In other words: ineffective leadership.
The anchor you need
In tough situations, you need something solid to stand on: a clear internal compass. One that keeps you steady when external approval or measurable results are absent.
It’s this compass that allows you to:
Take action when it’s unpopular but necessary.
Communicate clearly, even when your message won’t land softly.
Follow through on hard decisions without constant reassurance.
So how do you develop an internal compass?
That’s the million-dollar question. It’s not about shutting out feedback or going solo. It’s about cultivating clarity on your values, principles, and purpose, so that you don’t collapse without applause or immediate proof.
Some starting points:
Reflect regularly. Journal or debrief after key moments. What guided your decision? Did it align with your values?
Define your non-negotiables. What principles will you not compromise on, no matter the reaction or results?
Practice discomfort. Deliberately make small choices without seeking approval, and notice how you hold up.
Seek trusted mirrors. A coach, mentor, or peer group that gives honest—not sugar-coated—feedback.
Leaders who build this internal compass don’t need constant applause or quick wins. They can withstand the silence, even the criticism, that tough leadership moments bring. And that’s when they become truly effective.
This is exactly the work I do with leaders: helping them strengthen their internal compass so they can lead with clarity and confidence—even when external validation is absent. If you’re curious what that could look like for you or your team, I’d be happy to explore it together.